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Thursday, 13 November 2003
Pret am Anger.
I visited "Pret a Manger" for the first time today; I had a pound or so burning a hole in my pocket, Beth - accountant in chief - had reported that the bank balance was looking fairly healthy, and I had the urge for a croissant.
I ought to make it clear that "middle-class commuter culture" holds little attraction to me - more on that later - it was simply the desire for warm, unhealthy French breakfast product, a curiosity about the quality of the cappuccino (I like to compare the quality of coffee when I'm out with what I can make at home for a fraction of the cost) and the fact that the bus arrived earlier than usual that inspired me to pop in as I wandered down Baker Street.
From the moment I approached the counter I was out of my depth; the woman in front of me asked for a "Tall skinny latte" - whatever one of those happens to be.
The woman who served me greeted me with an unnerving, vacant smile, and a strong accent: "Yes, please?"
WHAT? "Yes, please?" It's not as if I've just asked her if she'd like a custard cream. Why are they saying those words to me? "Yes, please?" It's meaningless. "Can I help you?" is far preferable. Even "What do you want?" makes some sense. I haven't yet formulated the correct response to the phrase "Yes, please?" - I'm undecided between a quizzical look, replying with "No, thank you" and walking away, or, erm, something else. Suggestions are always welcome.
It went downhill from there; another lady piped up with "can I take your order? You pay the other lady." (slightly better than "yes please", anyway.) "OK", I replied - "May I have a cappuccino and a warm croissant, please?"
Her response: "No, I only take the coffee order, you pay the other lady."
"Er, OK. May I have a normal cappuccino, please." She went away to prepare my drink, and I asked the lady to whom I'd first spoken "May I have a warm croissant, plaese?"
Employee: "Pardon?"
Me: "A warm croissant please." Surely that wasn't beyond her abilities?
Employee: "They all are warm." she gesticulated to the perspex display cabinet on the counter, which seemed to have no form of heating associated with it. I didn't want to make a fuss, but I could feel my frustration growing.
Me: "I'm sorry - this is my first time in this shop."
Employee: - (I was treated to a blank, uncomprehending expression.)
I have discovered, having ventured occasionally into a Starbucks for their expensive but enjoyably sticky caramel cappuccino, that making any kind of small-talk is beyond most employees' capabilities. They are probably used to dealing with the self-centred middle class oaf who starts their order with the completely incongruous "Can I get...?" and who has no interest in the human being behind the counter, so conversational English beyond this is probably something they simply don't do very often.
I received my drink - which was uninspiring and fast approaching lukewarm - and the food, which was fresh, but stretched the definition of "warm" to mean "not chilled". Maybe I should have asked for a hot croissant, but that carries its own risks and, I daresay, collection of uncomprehending stares.
| If I'm honest, I was prepared to be disappointed with Pret A Manger, but, considering all the propaganda ("We're environmentally conscious, we believe in fair trade, we make all our food on-site and we love our customers") that covers the bags and napkins, and by the time I'd consumed their products, I felt more empty than before I'd entered the shop.
Never again. |  |
Posted by james at November 13, 2003 10:25 AM
Comments
Remember -- it's part of McDonalds --how good can it possibly be?
Posted by: Sunshine at November 13, 2003 1:44 PM
IS IT? I did not know that. Now I do. Crivens.
Posted by: james at November 13, 2003 4:20 PM
No it isn't, at least not in the UK. Over here it's still a private company. In Japan, and possibly the US, they have joint ventures with MacDonalds - presumably to get our revenge for sushi.
Posted by: YAH at November 13, 2003 4:56 PM
With a long wait ahead of me in South Station, I decided to have a tea. Having never attempted this before I managed to be in the wrong line. Whatever it was that I requested first was not understood by the veil wearing women (3 of them yelling among themselves over what I might have said). I was finally handed a paper cup of water. "Where's the tea?" I asked in a small voice. She didn't speak..just hitched her eyeballs a bit to her right. I didn't catch on at first and she got pissy with me because she actually had to raise her overworked hand and point to the top of a display case(over my head where the tea bags were displayed in a little cardboard box. I have not had the nerve to attempt it again.
'Cause I'm afraid I'll kill her.
Posted by: Annie at November 13, 2003 6:41 PM
I'm finding, as I tell people of the ordeal, that it is far from unique... remember the film "Falling Down"?
Thanks for your comment!
Posted by: james at November 13, 2003 9:57 PM
It's YAH vs BBC:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/newsid_1146000/1146230.stm
Thanks for your comment, YAH!
Posted by: james at November 13, 2003 10:02 PM
Well, poo, I was basing that on Pret's own website. Can't believe anything these days!
Posted by: YAH at November 13, 2003 10:53 PM
I rarely ordered food/drink whilst visiting the UK...I was terribly afraid I'd cock it up and look like a rube...the only place I felt at home was at Starbucks, go figure. :)
Posted by: Beth at November 14, 2003 3:35 AM
AUTHOR: Sunshine
EMAIL: sun_shine_817
URL: http://
DATE: 11/14/2003 04:26:44
Posted by: Sunshine at November 14, 2003 4:26 AM
Whew -- Sunshine 1, YAH 482,384. Even a broken clock's right twice a day.
Posted by: Sunshine at November 14, 2003 4:28 AM
Perhaps on one wall of such establishments they should have the price list (a rarity in itself) and the other they should have an 'ordering procedure' with those footstep things you get when learning dance moves.
My sarcastic boss gave me the Starbucks free jargon leaflet as a consolation pride. At least they explained what a tall skinny latte is!
Posted by: james at November 14, 2003 6:14 AM
why do some of the comments have @ and www after them mixed up with dots and others just have dots?
(I suggest a flask next time)
Posted by: Trouble at November 14, 2003 10:00 AM
A good tale, James,. I couldn't have descibed my own similar experience so aptly! A year ago, I gazed at the Starbucks brochure at Heathrow while Cath drank her choice of coffee and I sipped my expensive tea, which she eventually asked and paid for. The brochure detail still didn't mean that much to me when we walked out of the place. How does one know what to choose from those descriptions on paper? Last Wednesday I bought a cup of tea at Victoria Station, a big one admittedly, for ?1.25. All I can say is that it was hot and we were at East Croyden before I could start even sipping it. I didn't really mind. It's a long journey home, as you know. But ?1.25? Only for special occasions in my book. Love, Mother
Posted by: Mother at November 15, 2003 3:53 PM
Thanks for your comment, Trouble!
I have a feeling if you leave the Make Public thing ticked, it leaves the 'www' and '@' bits on, even though they don't point anywhere.
Probably.
(I ticked the Make Public box on the email address, but left it blank in this note...)
j
Posted by: james at November 15, 2003 7:47 PM
Thank you for your comments, Mother.
I do worry how much of the cost of the drink pays for the packaging - the fact your ta stayed boiling hot until East Croydon is testimony to the millions of pounds they've clearly invested in tea-heat-retention technology.
May I recommend Benjy's? They're much better value (55p for a large cup of tea), and there's one at Victoria, too. (This advert sponsored by Benjys... http://www.benjys-sandwiches.com .)
Love, james
Posted by: james at November 15, 2003 7:53 PM
Nope.. I have no idea why it does that.
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Posted by: james at November 15, 2003 7:54 PM
